Can i not drive my cunt home
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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