Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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