we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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