even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize