U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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