While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
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Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
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I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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