My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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