She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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