that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
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He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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