hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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