We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
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blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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