Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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