so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So squirting runs in the family.
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he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
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We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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