Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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