I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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