God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
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Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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