When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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