...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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