she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize