She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize