Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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