I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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