I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize