Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
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See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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