At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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