Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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