Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize