So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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