they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize