my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We just shotgunned beers for America
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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