My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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