I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
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I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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