So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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