ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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