He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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