so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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