I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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