You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
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PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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