i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize