I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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