So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
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I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
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Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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