so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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