I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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