How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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