I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize