tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
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What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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