I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
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Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You are the jesus of drinking
you never un-have a 4some
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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