I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
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I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
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I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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