Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize