i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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